Sunday, May 30, 2010

Day 202 Pride Takes a Whacking

Dear friends,

How can you nag a man with umpteen broken bones, who is doing everything he can to get back into fighting trim? He even does laundry, for crying out loud. So how is it that this afternoon I sat the poor fellow down for 10 minutes and gave him a laundry list of the things I’m dissatisfied with, covering him with a dark shadow and living out of a part of myself that I loathe? No matter how long we walk the pilgrim road, the issue of SELF rises to the surface, demanding to be addressed. I left for work, feeling like I stripped the man down who has walked a thousand miles in 6 months, and it didn’t take long for my very active conscience to hear the Holy Spirit saying, “You’re wrong”. I knew it too. I immediately called Smitty on the phone to apologize, and this time I couldn’t even do what I often do: justify myself in part for my complaints. I don’t tell you this to berate myself, or appear falsely humble. I tell you because I think this is part of the human condition, and despite all I have learned about what really matters, the “old man” in me still tries to step up to run the show. And I’m thinking all of you deal with this same problem, the problem of sin, which at its root is always pride, no matter what form it takes. The remedy for this darkness was purchased at a hefty price, nothing less than the life of the only Son of God. In a reason-defying act of love, the Great One, who would be unjust to overlook sin, instead took the judgment for our darkness on Himself because He never wants to live without us. When I think of that kind of love, I don’t feel under the burden of a rule, but I run to repent because I’m broken by grace. I could write about this all day, the amazing grace of God. But this paragraph is getting very, very long…

Taking the “I’m sorry” pill is such a relief. But I know myself, and my need to replace the old thoughts with new ones lest I burrow back down into the sludge of discontent. I think of the scripture which says:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

So here’s what I do. I think about all the good that hovers over my life. The list is so long, it could circle the earth twice. But here are a few:

A sound mind, despite a family history of mental illness. (OK, some may dispute the "sound mind" bit)
A body free of disease and injury.
A beautiful little Adirondack bedroom, where I can read and think (and sleep)
Three positively lovable offspring, all alive and with me.
A community of believers, (DFGC), who display what the church is meant to be. (Not perfect, but tenacious to love and serve).
A tender hearted, forgiving partner for life, who’s the best friend a girl could ever have!

I’m driving my soul right back to November 8, to remind myself of the many reasons why I can be content. Believe me, bloggies, you are not the least among them.

Thanks for the love as I stumble and bruise my pride. It needs a good whacking. The air is much better away from its ugly stench. Praise God for freedom on the inside!

Your friend on the pilgrim road,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Loriann, Been there done that!!!! You're not along girlfriend! I am so grateful that God is a God of do overs. Love Ya, Phyllis