Monday, June 21, 2010

Day 224 Summer Breeze, Makes Me Feel Fine...

Dear friends,

It would almost be an insult to be in a bad mood on a day like today. The official first day of summer makes me want to sing, despite the fact that everything is not okay, despite the fact that there can be shadows on the pilgrim road. Driving over the Hudson today, with that sky high sunshine and a hot wind blowing, it was impossible not to praise God simply for who He is. Magnificent. Lofty. Trustworthy.

My precious Hannah had yet another visit to the dentist today. Without going into all the details, she was sad and mad when we left. As her mom, I so wanted to point out the good parts, and help her "move on" beyond her negative emotions. But the Great Holy Spirit spoke to my soul saying, "sshhh." I realized I wanted to talk and force her (and especially me) to feel better. She has a right to feel angry and sad. And frustrated. The Great One will take her through the tunnels on her pilgrim road as she is ready to bear them. I know she will eventually find hope and healing from this ordeal. But there is no rushing this thing. I can't fix it. Good lord, I wish I could. She needs my unconditional love, and perhaps even more than that, my patient understanding. It's so difficult for me to be quiet and leave things alone. Here lies one of my greatest weaknesses. But even with the twist in my gut over the consequences of an accident nearly 8 months old, I still wanted to sing over that bridge. I talked to my soul, like King David did. Thankfully, we need not miss joy because of sorrow. They can indeed dwell in the same tent. Our happiness is not dependent on perfect circumstances, and it's a good thing it's not. There is mercy everywhere.

I read this C.S. Lewis passage today, and as usual he blew me away. I've read this before, but the truth in it means much more to me now:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

My dear friends, we are not here to live safe lives. Sometimes I want to crawl into a hole and not feel another pang of pain. But I fear far more that "coffin of selfishness" Lewis describes. You have your own variety of heartache. Sing anyway on a beautiful summer day. I'm trying so very hard to practice what I preach!

Your friend on the pilgrim road,


P.S. Please pray for the family of the young man I mentioned with the post trauma brain injury. He died today... He loved the Great One. His faith is now sight. Summer for him goes on and on...


MTB Man said...

Good for you. You're a wise Mom! ;-)

Mary Louise said...

I can identify with being a mom and wanting to make everything "right" for your kids. No pain, no sorrow. But that is not the road they must take. Today my eldest is being induced to deliver her overdue baby. Now that is pain that brings joy, but I don't like to think about journey to get there!

johandav said...

Dear Gary,

Thanks friend. I'm not really wise, but I am learnin' and growin'! Love hearing from you :)

Mary Louise,

I'm posting this the day after the joy. Congratulations Grammie!