Monday, July 26, 2010

Day 259 Faith, Hope and Love: But the Greatest of these is Love

Dear friends,

I never usually post this early in the day. But I'm home alone, and just finished filling the bird feeder, and the quiet and the warm air demand a response. Hope is the meditation of my heart. Very late last night I fell into a deep pit of darkness, a place so desperate I lost heart. Without tempering my emotions I wailed before the Great One, (looking back I must have looked like one of those old testament prophets tearing their clothes and covering themselves with ashes) not holding back the torrent of sorrow. In that cave of discouragement, God was there. He stood beside me as I poured out grief. When I thought I couldn't bear another minute of it, there came the beginnings of that same numbness I felt in the hospital on November 8. I think that numbness is a gift to all who sorrow.

This doesn't sound like a meditation on hope, but I'm not done yet. I finally fell asleep, and as for Stephen's piece of it I will leave that alone, it is his private portion and his to tell. In the morning I remembered what someone once said to me long ago "things are always darkest at night". The light of day is a balm to the broken heart. So off I went to the kitchen to help out at the Delmar Full Gospel Vacation Bible School (which is a wonder deserving a blog all its own), and as I worked dishing out food and talking with the most beautiful, cheerful people in the world, I saw a horizon over the next hill. Stephen's words "this is a very deep trial" came back to me, and I thought of the scripture "when He has tried me, I will come forth as gold". For all I'm worth, I will not turn back. Forward through the fire, as the Great One does the work of turning a clay pot into something that will live in heaven forever. God knows left on my own I'd be a bitter, insufferable prig. But He's working in the troubles of us all in one way or the other to make the desert a place of life. Every suffering is seen by him, and transformed into great worth. No idea how He does it. I only know it is true. Here is hope: "If I make my bed in hell, you are there." (Psalm 139) No darkness can hide the Almighty. Hope is hanging on for when the wind changes. And if the wind won't change, God will simply make the vessel stronger for the gale. Either way, we reach the shore.

I heard a song today that magnificently expresses what I wish I could say about my relationship with the Great One. I'm leaving you the lyrics and the youtube link because is describes the relationship thing I have been harping on since this blog began. Religion won't work, friends. Not when the fire gets hot, not when the wind blows, not when the water threatens to drown you. Only love can save the day. I love you so dearly! I pray this song will speak to you about what it really boils down to in the end...
More Like Falling in Love by Jason Gray

Give me rules I will break them
Give me lines I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words I'll misuse them
Obligations I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be


It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

Thanks for sticking with me. Through the ups and downs. Love is the most powerful thing in the universe. When it's true love, you'll never lose hope. Never.

Your friend on the pilgrim road,



Anonymous said...

Here...(bloggers' rollcall)
In Him-Joan,the (very imperfect) gardener

johandav said...

I absolutely love you, Joan the wonderful, creative, beautiful gardener. I can only imagine your flowers on the other side...