Friday, October 8, 2010

11 months since crash - 1 month to go

Dear friends,

Crazy, how life can change in a year. Last October at this time, I had no clue whatsoever how different my world would be in one short month. I was going about my business, struggling with my problems, enjoying the sweet things on the pilgrim road, and unaware that life and near death, love and sorrow, injury and recovery were around the bend on Rte. 151. So here we are, only one lunar rotation from the anniversary of the day that will forever live within us, but will never overcome us. God did not "do this to us". But He most certainly did let it happen. I'm quite sure He suffered when the world He created for beauty, truth and relationship once again let out an ancient groan as a result of sin and brokenness. When Oscar Lewis careened into our Cutlass Ciera, the Great One wasn't wringing His hands, wondering how this could happen, anxious about the outcome. Like any wise Father, he determined to ease the pain, bring His resources to relieve the suffering, and to provide comfort for the sorrow. He saw a way to turn darkness to light, not only for us, but for Oscar Lewis as well. For him, there is a chance, through the disaster of a prison term, to come to grips with himself and his Creator. More than his Creator - the One who has loved him from his mother's womb.

Here I am, 11 months out, and I still can't tell you why this happened. I doubt I ever will on this side of heaven. This accident, and the millions upon millions of nightmares that plague this fallen world are a mystery to me. I'm not tormented trying to sort it out, because in a way, it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to be flippant. It does matter when people are hurt, or killed, or suffering. What I'm saying is, the why's don't help. What helps is seeing the relentless, faithful hand of a God who will not give up on a planet that has practically given up on Him. What helps is the Spirit of Mercy, alive and well on this crazy, upside down ball in the Universe. What helps is being forgiven when we sin, being loved when we don't deserve it, and being held together by a kind, unseen but very real hand. Sometimes the best why question is this: Why in the world does the Great One stick like glue to this messy place? I can't answer that one either.

When I post my final blog entry here on November 8, 2010 it will be like closing a chapter of my life. Not that November 8, 2009 will ever leave the fibers of my being, but because there will be a sense of closure. We have travelled a section of a highway marked "big, nasty car accident", and that section of the road is far enough in the rear view mirror to feel more like a memory. I bless you all for helping me process the myriad of stuff in my heart lo these past 11 months. I'll never forget Dr. Rosati's words to me early on: "You'll probably start to feel normal in about a year". How right he was. The sustained troubles will still have to be dealt with. But my faith has grown a little bit more, where I believe we can contend with these things without drowning. In the end, our Savior alone is the only way home. He's there by the fire, ready to warm us up and cheer our souls.

Another fire fighter has signed up to come to our Dessert Nite on October 23. We owe the world to these folks. And to all of you too. I've heard a few of you say "well, we really didn't do much besides pray". I want you to know, prayer is where the action is. And it's not an easy labor. I don't care if you pulled one weed in my garden or said one prayer for my family, I want you there. Besides, there's a song I've written and I'm restless for you to hear it. I need people there who love me so they can overlook my inadequate singing voice. (Don't worry, it won't sound as bad as Bob Dylan).

One month to go. Thanks for hanging with me. At this point, you might as well stick around til the end.

Your friend on the pilgrim road,



Anonymous said...

One of the things I remember most about that night as we sat there in the ER waiting room was parts of a song that kept running through my head. The words were,
"God of wonders, God of miracles is here. He is here." And every once in a while I heard these words from that song, "Let the sick say, 'I am well.'"

Yes, God is here. Always. In the good times, the bad times, and the ugly times. He is here.

God sings over us.
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
Isn't that wild? Isn't that a great picture? Like a Mommy or Daddy singing to their baby.

We sing a song about that. The words in the song are "You sing all around but I never hear the sound." Sorry, but I just can't sing those words. I have changed them to "You sing all around but I seldom hear the sound." Sometimes I'll change it to sometimes.

And he's always speaking to us, even though we might not hear Him. I have been reading Quiet Talks About Jesus by S.D. Gordon. It's a great book and really makes you think. Here are a couple of parts that I love.

"Man has 2 doors opening into himself from God - the eye and the ear. Through these God comes into the man and makes Himself known. Through these comes all man knows of God. Both have their hinges in the will, the heart. Man gave both doors a slam shut that day in Eden.

Hearing and seeing lie deeper than ears and eyes, down in the purpose, the will, and desire of the heart. Unwillingness dulls, and then deafens the ears. It blurs, and then blinds the eye.

God is spoken of as silent. Yet His silence may be simply our deafness. The truth is He is speaking all the time, but we are so absorbed that we do not hear. He is ever looking into our faces with His great, tender, deep eyes, but we are so wrapped up in something else that the gaze out of our eyes is vacant to that Face, and with the keenest disappointment, so often repeated, He gets no answering glance."

I pray that God opens the ears and eyes of all those who don't hear or see Him. He is all around. Just look and listen. He has been waiting for you.

We love you.

Lorraine & Ernie

MTB Man said...

Hey, don't knock Bob Dylan!