Update 5/12/10 Day 184

Dear friends,

I spoke to Detective Matt from the East Greenbush police for just a minute today. My mind flew back to November 8, when that hard working policeman came to the hospital to tell us he had gotten a warrant to collect blood from Oscar Lewis after calling multiple judges on a Sunday evening. Thanks, Matt. You went the extra ten miles on that one... When I tell you the accident lives in my head, I'm not kidding. Some days I wish I could wipe the slate clean, and remember it no more. Something will pop up that can usher me back so quickly I don't know what hit me. I happened to notice my bedroom door handle today, (now that is odd, but remember who's writing this..) and quickly I got a picture in my head of all the wonderful people in and out of my house during the month of December, scrambling to get the bedroom ready for Stephen's homecoming. So you see, some of the memories are precious. Bittersweet. I can't get away from the crash, but I can put it in context now (a little bit), and by the time this blog is done, I 'm sure I'll be that much closer to some decent perspective.

This evening I was on hand to fold programs for the Our Savior's Lutheran School musical "Dear Edwina", starring, among others, David John Smith. Once again, the Great One uses music in the lives of my children to bring great healing and joy. David goes from nerd to fabulous (although I think some nerds are already fabulous, not mentioning any names), in the role of Scott. If you're looking for a cheap family night out I recommend coming. These plays are so well done! The curtain will rise at OSL on Friday and Saturday evenings at 7pm. There's a Sunday performance too. Of course I will post a photo as any self respecting proud momma would do. My youngest has had a rugged 6 months, but he's rounding the bend, and I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it together when I see him singing. God has truly done great things for us, and this is just another signpost of His grace along the pilgrim road. By the way, to Kim and Melissa: it was a joy folding with you!! I've got a juicy blister from the stapler...

Kim's daughter Jordan is on a mission trip to Haiti this week. As soon as I heard, my heart once again sorrowed for the inconceivable challenges the folks in that county have had to contend with. I still hope to do more that write a check for them, but I need the Great One to show me what my part is to help. Do you ever feel helpless? Do you ever look at the world around you and become overwhelmed? So did Moses. So did David. So did Nehemiah. So did Rahab. (My amazing niece is taking that name for her confirmation!) Their solution wasn't found in feeling guilty or drowning their anxiety in alcohol, or forgetting it away in senseless pleasure. They called on the Great One, and He showed them THEIR PART, and then they did what He said. If I could have a nickle for all the times I've launched out haphazardly to fix something, or tried to hide from it, I'd be some kind of wealthy woman. Here's what God says to do:

What does the Lord require of thee?
To do justly, and to love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God.

Now that will take on a different form for everyone reading this post. In your little world, you can ask the Great One what your part is. And then, with the qualities of justice, mercy and humility, you can make a difference in your sphere of influence. This isn't Pollyanna talk. (By the way, Pollyanna isn't the sappy movie everyone thinks it is...) This is true stuff. I saw it in action and I was the beneficiary. Everyone played, and continues to play, their part in this particular scene in the cosmic story. Friends, it is so not all about me. But I can't help but see the reality of God in the beautiful character of the many who played a part in our personal drama. All it does is make me bow my knee in gratitude, and long to be a far better person than I am.

Time to go check on my little star. He's going to be one tired pup by the time this play is over. But he's gotten quite a bit of stamina over these miles we've travelled. Remember, for quite a while my kids were getting to bed way too late, and I was writing to you at 1am. They survived that chaos. This should be cake. Cake... that sounds good. It all comes back around to sugar...

Wish we could eat dessert together tonite!

Your friend on the pilgrim road,

Loriann