Update 12/8/09 One month since crash

Dear friends,

This has been the longest month of my life. As I've grown older, everything has seemed to speed up, but this month was truly the exception. I recall looking at the clock in the PICU, thinking it must be about 4 in the afternoon and it was 11:30 in the morning. As we get further away from November 8, there's a different kind of stress. It's not nearly as acute, but it wears. I told you I would be honest with you. I have been given my husband and daughter back from the brink, and that is nothing but joy. I have friends and family who have gone way more than the extra mile. And that is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I have seen the love of God in a way I never could have imagined. That is amazing grace. But to deny to you the loss and the longing would be to be untruthful, and I promised I would not do that. I miss my "old life", and I miss my best friend. I'm sad for the mountain both he and Hannah and my boys have to climb, even though I know the whole dang thing ends in victory. I'm determined, by the grace of God, to shake every good thing I can out of this mess. I know what the scriptures say is true "He causes all things to work together for good for those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." What a relief that our Father can handle all our emotions. All our traumas. All our crisis', little and big. My dear cyber friends, He cares about your stuff too. Believe me, He does. Not a sparrow falls to the ground without His knowing.

Hannah had lunch with her dad today at Sunnyview before her therapies. It was sweet to simply sit next to them and talk about nothing in particular. After Hannah was done, Steve had to go for his "work outs", and we drove back to East Greenbush for science tutoring. Happily, Hannah's actual science teacher is tutoring her. You can't believe how great this is. Not only does he know where she's been, he knows where she needs to go. (Thank you, Columbia teachers. You guys are the best!) She also got that bone chip removed from her gum today, which was a relief to her. Let's root for those new teeth to come in the mail soon. (I never imagined in a lifetime that I would write that last sentence. How things change!)

Stephen "hopped" 7 feet today. You heard it right, folks, 7 feet. It was a gargantuan feat, performed by my very own hero. He also got into a Sunnyview "car". They have the body of an automobile with seats to help people practice getting in and out. He was definitely jazzed by the progress, because more of the same spells H-O-M-E. As Dorothy reminds us when she taps together her red shoes, there's no place like it.

As for me, tonite I'm taking a bath in a tub someone else scrubbed, using bath soap someone sent to me, after eating a meal someone else made, after not Christmas shopping because someone else did it for me, after being encouraged by someone who cares, while being watched over by officers who are vigilant, while being completely amazed at all the good there is in a fallen world. I'll try not to feel guilty about the bath while Steve can't even take a shower for months. (That's part of that "survivor's guilt" thing that happens after stuff like this). Once again I say goodnight to you all with gratitude and love in my heart. What in the world would I ever do without you? Carry on my friends, courage!

Your friend on the pilgrim road,

Loriann

PS - Here's another great C.S. Lewis quote: "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point."