Dear friends,
Today I hit a wall. I spent the whole day at Sunnyview learning some of the ropes for taking care of Stephen at home. I gave him his heparin shot, cleaned his wounds, helped give him a shower, and controlled the movement of his fixated leg while he did his strengthening exercises. He strained, he grunted, he pressed. I'm telling you true, this is hard work for Hercules. I'm incredibly proud of him. Meanwhile, inside my own skin, I got afraid. Afraid to bring him home and not to have the security of the hospital. Afraid he might fall, or I might do something wrong and he could get an infection. Afraid of how different our lives will be from our old life before the accident. Afraid of the cold reality of insurance companies. I told you way back that fear is my mortal enemy. It circled the ranch today in a way I haven't experienced in a few weeks. It's the one emotion that can easily tip me over. We all have our Achilles heel. Fear and worry are definitely mine.
True faith is tested by strain. Just like my husband's atrophied muscles, faith must be worked out in the gym of adversity to be real. I see myself wavering, but I know that my Jesus will not let me be hammered. I will push and fight back my adversary, and God will smile because my puny faith with get just a little stronger. I will not let fear master me, though I may be "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed..." 2 Corinthians 4:8. The ancient remedies are my practical support: prayer, worship, the fellowship of the saints, and the mighty and living Word of God. Sounds "religious" when you list them. But they are as earthy and sturdy as a maple tree. Those are the tools that build spiritual muscle.
I want to be like Steve's occupational therapist's little boy. His name is Holden, and he is 2 years old. Excellent Jake (who also is an army reservist with a heart of gold and a year in Iraq behind him), Holden's dad, told us how his boy likes to play with the manger set. Sometimes he makes Jesus ride the camel (don't you just love it!). And sometimes he simply puts Jesus in his pocket and carries Him around everywhere he goes. I want to be like Holden! I've got to be if I'm going to beat off the oppression that threatens me on this unpredictable highway.
East Greenbush's finest, Officer Ernie and Officer Mike paid me a quick visit tonite to drop off a handicapped parking permit. Never did I think my car (which is still pretty dirty, by the way), would sport one of those red tags! There's an expiration date on it of June, 2010. By then we'll be mowing the lawn. We can hope we won't need a renewal on it. But I'm grateful to have one.
Be sure to read the blog tomorrow for an important announcement. How's that for a cliff hanger? By then I'll probably be feeling a little better, but maybe not. It really doesn't matter, because in the end, there will be good. The Great One can make a wrinkled old man a father of many nations, and a prostitute wind up in the genealogy of the Son of God, and a stubborn, impulsive fisherman a great apostle who turns the world upside down. I'm pretty sure He can manage with me.
Some of the blue candles are in the window. Consider yourselves posted.
Can't make the trip without you, friends.
Your friend on the pilgrim road,
Loriann
Monday, December 21, 2009
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12 comments:
Fear not, Loriann.
Fear not - a phrase that God and his angels used quite often when they related to us humans.
Fear not. God is in control - no matter what happens. No matter what we might do wrong. No matter what we might do right. God is in control. We like to think that we are, or that we might be, but we're really not.
Thanks for the cliff hanger! I can't wait to read your daily blogs and now you tell us you have an important announcement - tomorrow! Thanks.
We continue to pray for all of you and for complete restoration. We look forward to the day that you are all back home together.
We love you.
Lorraine & Ernie
What would I do without you two?
I will remember the "fear not" and keep it in mind through my day!
Your friend on the pilgrim road,
Loriann
LORIANN, THERE WILL BE A DAY WITH NO MORE TEARS, NO MORE PAIN AND NO MORE FEARS, BUT UNTIL THAT DAY, YOUR FRIENDS ON THE PILGRIM ROAD ( AND THEY ARE MANY ) WILL BE HOLDING YOU ALL UP IN PRAY.GOD AGAIN WOKE ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH YOU ON MY MIND. HE KNOWS YOUR FEARS AND REMINDS US TO PRAY FOR YOU.HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN WE EVER COULD.HOLD ON, ONE DAY AT A TIME THE LADIES WILL BE IN THE PRAY ROOM FOR YOU THIS MORNING. I'LL BE WANTING FOR YOUR ANNOUNCEMENT TOMORROW. HOPE I CAN SLEEP! HORRAY FOR THE BLUE CANDLES! YOUR FUNNY FRIEND PHILLIE, (THE ONE WHO CAN MAKE DUCK CALLS!)
Love the cliff hanger. Looking forward to the big announcement, and ready to yell my 'Halleluia"'s when I hear it.
You know that fear is the biggest monster in my closet as well, so I know what you're up against, but we both know that yes, we are gaining muscle in this thing. HIS desire is for us to be bigger and stronger than all the monsters in all the closets, but we can't gain muscle without that bit of tearing down from working them out first. It's the scar tissue that builds that is the muscle. No pain, no tearing - no gain. You're going to be able to enter a Miss Universe Muscle pageant when God's done with you, lady. No steroids, either. Completely natural - well, supernatural. XXOO Mary Ann
Hi Loriann:
We have been praying for Stephen and Hannah ever since we learned about the accident. We will continue to pray for them until the Lord completes the healing process that He has begun. We thank the Lord for the progress to date, it is truly miraculous.
Loriann, you are a remarkable woman of God. You are an inspiration to us. We think of that old time song which says, "Some through the waters, some through the flood, some through the fire, but all through the blood". You and your family have been through the "fire". But praise God, He is in control. He is sustaining you and your family in the palm of His Hand through loving and generous people that are not only praying, but helping in so many loving, compassionate and wonderful tangible ways. This is truly the Body of Christ in action.
We are from Calvary Tabernacle church in Schenectady and the Smith family is on our Email prayer network. Please be assured that there are many people praying for you and your family.
God bless.
Loriann,
Remember this; you've already come through the worst of it, the rest is downhill. God has held you up through the worst part of this ordeal. We'll just have to keep praying for strength, for the rest of the journey. All these miracles weren't for nothing; he's not done with you yet. He has big plans; bigger than we can imagine. Look at all the lives you have already touched and maybe even added a few to the kingdom. Well done, my sister. Doreen
Loriann,
First a story. When Ed had out patient surgery on his shoulder I had to pick him and I was supposed to help him put his shirt on. I saw the bandaging and the yellow/orange antiseptic on his skin and got lightheaded. I went to a window for fresh air. The nurses saw me, made me sit down and eat cookies and juice. Apparently they had just had a dad faint and break a tooth when he hit the ground. SO please believe me that I will be praying for you as you change dressings and help Steve with medical stuff!
Also let me tell you that we prayed for your faith today at Tuesday morning prayer. Just as Peter was allowed to be sifted so we all go through the process. Your faith will stand. I know.
lots of love and great respect,
Mary Louise
dearest Loriann,
Lorraine & Ernie said it best...
"Fear Not". Two easy and simple words to remember when the enemy comes with the fear... that will turn over the fear to faith in your thoughts almost like a switch. Then you can claim the victory over the thoughts and then praise comes...Thank you Jesus-you ARE in control!
To all my amazing commenters: You have no idea how much you have helped me today. I'm a needy pup.
Love you all so much!
Your friend on the pilgrim road,
Loriann
Don't quit!
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit;
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
Needy pup??? You?? You are without a doubt the richest woman I have ever known. I take so much from your daily entries. You offer courage and humility to so many. HE gave you to so many of us to show us what true faith really means. I thought I knew what it was like to stand by your man, believe and make lemonade out of lemons but you...you inspire me.
I think I can speak for MANY.... YES THIS IS TRUE and THE SAME FOR ME!....You are without a doubt the richest woman I have ever known. I take so much from your daily entries. You offer courage and humility to so many. HE gave you to so many of us to show us what true faith really means. I thought I knew what it was like to stand by your man, believe and make lemonade out of lemons but you...you inspire me.
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