Day 268 Sometimes, I'm Just a Pill

Dear friends,

It just wasn't my day. It started last night with a way-too-late bedtime. I ate dinner at 11:20pm because I didn't get a break at work (staffing issues) and rushed to get my frozen meal out of the microwave there, then promptly dropped the whole thing on the floor. So, I was maniac kind of hungry when I got home, ate, posted my blog entry, watched an episode of Lost, and got to bed....well, let's just say too late. It was my own fault, but nevertheless, feel sorry for me.

Getting up to drive Joe to work this morning I was tired. And he wasn't getting up easily. (I've decided at 17 he will no longer have the services of this human alarm clock/snooze button. If he doesn't get up with his own alarm, from now on mommy will continue to snooze and he will experience the glee of being late for work.)

When I got home from driving my grumpy son (only half as grumpy as me), I ate a wholesome, sugary pastry and a cup of coffee to start my day off on the right nutritional note. Nothing lifts a sour mood like a sugar high/crash.... I fell asleep on the couch for an hour, and was awakened by my youngest and his 2 cousins who are with us for the week. I was determined to get everyone out to Taconic Lake today, to beat the heat and to escape the video games. So at 11am or so I started making sandwiches. Do you know how long it takes to make sandwiches? I would have done better to pack the hamburgers, rolls and hibachi! Good lord, it seemed like an hour to put a few things in a bag and the cooler. Then of course we need beach towels, a blanket, sunscreen etc. We did finally leave the house, and I continued to be grumpy. The gas station pumps were closed to "update the system". I wanted to drive into the blasted cones! I did finally get gas, and pick up my patient friend Maryann, and off we went. I don't think we got there til close to 2, but the water felt nice and the sun did too. All too soon we had to get home so my kids could get to the Jubilant Gen Church. (It really does rock - love you Pastor Greg and all the top drawer leaders who make the thing tick every week!)

But lest any of you get the wrong idea about me, and think I am some spiritual giant because I'm learning some things from God and recording them here, let me disavow you of such notions. When I got home from the lake I proceeded to yell at my kids (for mess and clutter), nag my husband, mutter under my breath, eat too much dinner, worry and fret over some needs, and throw some recycling in the trash. This in the span of one half hour. Good thing for me I am on a short leash with the Great One. Repentance is a sweet and merciful relief from the terror of our selfishness.

I'm also getting a revelation that sometimes the domino effect takes place in our everyday lives. And at some point, we've got to stop those white dots from one more tumble. It started with being over tired, and then eating poorly. (We really are triune beings -mind, body, spirit- all impacted by one another). Then figuring less time than needed for a job. Then, not accounting for the heat. Not wisely being aware that the other people in my world may be having their own problems. Worst of all, not spending that sweet, indispensable time with my heavenly Father. That is the foundation that can't be skipped. That is the lynch pin of every day.

So there you have it. A devastating car accident, a brush with death, a tangle with trauma; and still there are a thousand crooked and immature places in me that can only be fixed by seeing them and taking them to the Savior. He alone can build character in us without it turning into self righteous pride. This is no self help program. This is a child asking her Dad to help her grow up.

Love you lots, friends. Bad days come. And they go. To make something worthwhile out of them, to grow on the pilgrim road, that is the glory.

Your friend (even when grumpy) on the pilgrim road,

Loriann