Day 212 Meltdown at Planet Fitness

Dear friends,

For all the things I do know about the life changing car crash on November 8, there are still some things I did not experience first hand. Those are the things people like Officer Ernie, Officer Mike, Dear Dan Lane, and the other amazing people at the scene of the accident witnessed. So today, when I was on the elliptical at Planet Fitness watching Law and Order on TV, I got a little taste of what things must have been like on November 8.

Detective Benson was driving Elliot Stabler's pregnant wife to the obstetrician when BAM! A drunk driver crashed into the side of the vehicle, knocking them both unconscious. The sound of the crash stunned me, and I really didn't see it coming. But here's the kicker. Fire trucks and ambulances arrived, and the car had to be cut apart to get Mrs. Stabler out. I'm watching this unfold on television, hearing the sounds of saws and seeing what is really involved in taking the roof and sides off of an automobile. Then they bring in the jaws of life to pry the front of the car away from the character's legs so they can pull her out. I have to tell you, I was absolutely hysterical watching this drama unfold. The thing that got me the most were the sounds of the equipment needed to free the victim from the vehicle. There I am, sobbing my head off on the exercise equipment, processing in my own mind what happened to Stephen and Hannah. It was probably very similar, except their accident took place in the dark, so somebody must have had to shine some lights to get the job done. It was too easy to picture the scene of horrific devastation in my head. And I've seen the remains of our car in a photograph, so I know I'm not far off from reality. I wonder if anyone at the gym noticed me having a breakdown? Maybe they thought I was pushing myself too hard, or that my tears were just sweat. Maybe no one noticed at all. But for me, there was another piece of evidence that as much as I want to forget all about this thing, I can't. It lives in my head every day. The key is to deal honestly with the emotions, bring them all to the Great One, and know that I'll be done grieving when I'm done. It's just not something you can make go away. I only wish this happened in my living room instead of at Planet Fitness, scene of so many awkward and uncool moments...

Grief and sadness are not the worst things in the world. In fact, they can produce faith, and a hearty desire to commune with God. My enemies are not these two companions, but rather fear and unbelief. Those are the bad boys I have to contend with or I'm smoked. When they get their gnarly tentacles around my thinking all light leaves the premises and I'm heading down some dark alley off the pilgrim road. I'll be duking it out with them until I die, and so will you. But their demise is sure. The Great One isn't afraid of anything. And when you are the Great Eternal Fact, there is no need for faith. Always it comes back down to this: Will I trust and believe God, or will I take matters into my own hands? The turn my life has taken in the past 7 months only brings into stark relief what was really there all along. Some good, some bad. Some faith, some unbelief. But I'm not satisfied with that. I want every inch of joy and peace the Great One has in store for me and mine. And I desperately want it for every one of you too. That will require that we cooperate and not slink away into some dark, doubt filled corner. That will take some courage. Good thing God specializes in turning wimps into warriors. May He be forever loved for who He is!

I told you my boys have some special fun coming up. Well, Joe is going with his friend Chris on a cruise to ALASKA! And the ship disembarks from Seattle on his birthday, June 25. I'm so happy for him, especially given the kind of year these kids have had. David will be leaving in early July for Northern Frontier for a week, a Christian boy's camp in the Adirondacks. He is mostly interested in the rocketry, archery and shooting. If it blows up, is a weapon, or reminds him of Robin Hood, it's all good. No doubt he'll love the swimming and games and campfires too, but a boy must have something to shoot. He's going with two of his best buddies, so this is really special for him. None of my children have ever been to summer camp, so this is a big step for mom and dad too. We are trying to find something Miss Rejoice might like to do this summer just for her. She hasn't really figured anything out yet, so if you have any ideas (music camp, theatre etc?) let me know. She doesn't have to do anything, but we would like to bless her with a treat different from the usual.

I hope you can do something fun this summer. Even a picnic by a lake, or friends and fireworks on the 4th of July. Maybe an ice cream with someone you haven't seen in a while. Or lunch with folks you've meant to have lunch with for a while...Kim and Janine...

Thank you to my sweet neighbors, Cliff and Gale, who filled some holes in my driveway when I wasn't looking. That's the kind of neighbor I want to be... You guys are tip top!

Be well my friends. "Do not fret. It only leads to evil." Psalm 37:8.

Your friend on the pilgrim road,

Loriann