Update 4/27/10 Day 169

Fifteen years ago, in just a few hours from now, I had the familiar sensation known to most women approaching their 4oth week of pregnancy. I went into labor at 4:15 am on April 28, 1995, and at 6:56 am (much more quickly than her older brother!) Hannah Mary Rejoice graced the world with her presence. She frightened her father something awful, looking gray and needing oxygen at first because of her overly swift trip from inside to out. She broke her tiny collarbone in the process, and as you all know this was far from the worst scare she would give us, though her father, perhaps thankfully, slept through the recent one.

It is impossible to express the profound commitment we have to our children, isn’t it? We watch over them like sentries, long for their best, pray for their safety, fret over their fevers, rejoice in what makes them happy, sorrow over their tears. They live in our heads every hour of every day. It is dangerous business to have children, because with great love comes great risk. No one knows this as well as the Great One, whose huge, boundless love must set us free to live in a world bristling with terrors, traps and even amusements that can injure us. He would not hold us, like puppets on a string, to keep us from all possible harm, because without freedom there is no love. And without love, life is not worth a spoonful of dirt.

So here I am, pondering life with a beautiful, brilliant, sensitive, daughter, whose value is limitless, and of all the things in the world I wish, I wish I could have protected her from the six thousand pound truck that barreled into her at 70 miles an hour. I wish that on that November evening she would have returned, safe to her home instead of on life support at the hospital. I wish I could carry what is hers to cope with, and that I could say for sure that nothing will ever hurt her again. She is, and always will be my precious baby girl. And there is a world out there in which there are great dangers. Being a parent is perilous indeed.

But I wouldn’t trade a minute of life with her, despite the agony of this experience. And this I do know, she loves her God, and will learn more of His greatness as He takes her down this pilgrim road of her own. This is my consolation:

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39

Hannah has placed her life in the hands of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. There is no ultimate harm that can touch her. The troubles of this present age can’t compare with the treasures she has stored up in heaven. Not to mention the good things in store for her here, on the unpredictable pilgrim road.

Happy Birthday to the darling girl of my heart. I may not be able to protect you from every danger, but as long as I have breath I will never leave you alone in it. And the Great One, who can never die, will always be with you, as He has been with me, even when the trek gets dark and lonely.

So if you see my baby, wish her a Happy Birthday. Thank God for His mercy, she’s with us to turn 15.

Your friend on the pilgrim road,

Loriann